


Carpe Diem

by Lovespie (Snarryeyes)



Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: Angst, Hopeful Ending, M/M, References to Anton's Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-10 04:03:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7829746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snarryeyes/pseuds/Lovespie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a prequel to The Ring, and takes place after Anton's memorial service.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Carpe Diem

**Author's Note:**

> Purely a work of fiction. I mean absolutely no disrespect to Anton's memory or to the other members of the cast, who I'm sure are still grieving. My heart goes out to everyone who knew and loved him. ♥

It was perhaps the most difficult goodbye that Chris had ever had to say. It was too soon, far too soon to part ways. It still hadn’t even fully sunk in yet, that they’d never again see Anton bound into a room or witness his endless enthusiasm for every endeavor he undertook, whether it was acting, music, or translating complicated Russian literature into English.

Heartfelt speeches were delivered from those closest to him, honoring his life and his beautiful spirit. Not goodbye, they were tearfully told as the service drew to a close, but until we meet again.

Chris invited the others back to his place after, partly because his was closest but also because he couldn’t face being alone. And by the instant acceptance of his invitation by the rest of the cast, it seemed like they felt the same way. So began an evening of tears and laughter, often mixing together as memories were shared and toasts given. Although they had always been close, Anton’s sudden death had brought them even closer together as they were forcefully reminded of their own mortality and, even more so, that of their close-knit family.

The gathering dispersed shortly before midnight, hugs drawn out a little longer than usual, texts and emails promised. Chris wasn’t surprised that Zach was the last one remaining after the door closed after John. Truth be told, he was glad. It reminded him of old times, sitting together on the couch, except now there was a heavy weight to the silence.

Scrubbing a hand over his face, Chris let it drop heavily onto his thigh. “I need another coffee. You want one?” He glanced sideways at Zach, who appeared to be lost in thought. He probably hadn’t even heard the question. “Zach?”

Zach’s head snapped around as if Chris had shouted the word. “Huh?”

“Do you want coffee?”

“Oh.” Zach blinked. “Uh, no. Thanks,” he added distractedly. Chris frowned, reaching across to lay a hand on his shoulder.

“You okay?” He immediately shook his head, flexing his fingers against the tight muscles of Zach’s shoulder. “Sorry, stupid fucking question. Of course you’re not. None of us are.” He looked over at the picture of Anton they’d placed on the table. He was mid-laugh, joy infusing his entire face. Chris could almost hear it. “Losing someone so young, so full of life… it doesn’t make any sense.” He looked back at Zach, squeezing his shoulder again. “We’re all going to need time.”

Blowing out a breath, Zach shook his head. “It’s all so wrong. Leonard’s death was devastating, but at least I was a little more prepared. This…”

“I know,” Chris said, sighing.

“It feels like a wake-up call. None of us really know how much time we have… which goodbye will be our last. And all of the stupid shit we place so much importance on, it doesn’t _matter_.” He abruptly shifted his whole body so that they were face to face, his expression fierce. “ _This_ matters. What we have.”

Chris wasn’t quite sure what they had; he never had been. He only knew that what he felt for Zach he’d never felt for anyone else, and it had endured through the months, even years apart from one another without dimming in the slightest.

“Yeah,” he agreed softly. “It matters.”

Lifting a hand to Chris’ face, Zach swept a thumb across his cheek. It felt more intimate somehow than any of their sexual encounters. “If I ever lost you…”

“You won’t.”

In an instant, Zach moved forward to capture his mouth. Chris went with it, happy to let him take whatever he needed, realizing as he was pressed back against the couch that he himself needed it just as much. He’d been drifting in a sea of grief for days, and the warmth of Zach felt like a beacon.

By the time they reached the bedroom, there were scarcely any clothes left to remove. Despite his initial desperation, though, Zach seemed to want to take his time. It was almost reverent, the way he held Chris, the way he kissed him. Chris felt like it was the truest version of Zach he’d ever been privileged to see. It was a world away from the rushed hook-ups on set or in various hotel rooms across the years. Pressing him against the sheets, Zach flooded his senses; and the warmth of his touch, the depth of feeling conveyed with it, steadily filled the aching emptiness he’d been carrying inside him for far too long.

Zach’s arms remained around him as the sweat cooled on their bodies, holding him close. Chris savored it, the steadily slowing beat of Zach’s heart pulling him towards sleep—sleep that had evaded him for countless nights.

Then Zach’s voice broke the silence. “Marry me, Chris.”

Chris was instantly wide awake again, lifting himself up to stare at Zach. “ _What?_ ”

Zach looked back at him steadily, and there wasn’t the slightest trace of humor or uncertainty in his gaze. “I don’t want to waste another minute, another _second_.”

Chris shook his head, trying to make sense of what was happening. He shifted to sit up, figuring some distance might help. “Zach…”

Zach grabbed his hand, the strength of his grip matching the conviction in his voice. “I love you, Chris; more than I’ve ever loved anyone. Everything else is irrelevant.”

“Okay, just… slow down.”

Huffing, Zach pushed himself up into a sitting position so that they were facing each other. “Do you love me?”

“You know I do—”

“Then we’ll make it work. I don’t care if the whole world knows or just the two of us, just… marry me.”

Chris felt like his entire world has just been tipped upside-down, and yet there was Zach, steady as a rock in the center of it; just as he’d always been. “You’re serious about this, aren’t you?”

Zach nodded once, his eyes never leaving Chris’ face. “So what do you say?”

Chris looked away, still in a state of stunned disbelief. But then his gaze dropped to the hand still wrapped tightly around his as if it belonged there, and it did. In an uncertain world, Zach was his anchor. He always had been.

Overcome with a sense of reckless abandon, Chris looked back up at Zach and slowly smiled. “…I say yes.”


End file.
